


The Division of Youth

by CoveredinLemons



Series: The Everlasting Love of Three [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Build up, Drinking, Eventual Sex, M/M, Multiple Partners, Public Sex, Voyeurism, coffee shop AU, intense sexual descriptions, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-06 14:26:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoveredinLemons/pseuds/CoveredinLemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Yeager lives a normal life until Levi walks into the coffee shop which he works at. Feelings are revealed, and tensions arise between himself and Armin, who has harbored feelings for Eren since his youth. Eren is left with a difficult decision. Who will he choose? Or will he choose either of them? Eren is young, and has yet to even acknowledge his sexuality.</p><p>Part 2 of the series: The divide between adults http://archiveofourown.org/works/1136718/chapters/2316932</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Meeting, And It's Consequences

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My mother](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+mother).



Levi burst into the cafe with a swagger that he had bought off his dad for $20.

he took a brief moment to take in the people gathered at various tables, chatting idly with each other and eating their various purchases before he swaggered to the counter. Eren Jaguar was standing behind the condor, aquamarine eyes flashing as they reflected the sun shining in from the windows.

"can i take your order?" says eren with a misty voice, as levi approached him confidently. (and no NOT misty from pokemon fk u ariana for the comments)

Levi look at the young ham in front of him and noticing the eyes of him are big like dobby’s eyes from harry potter, only hot and he did not look like dobby cos dobby is ugly like a shriveled child made of grey leather.

Levi is distracted for a moment and eren squirms uncomfortably under his peircing gaze. he clears his throat loudly waking levi up from his silent revialle. Levi blushed and ordered a trim latte with extra cheese.

hey pays quickly and moves away trying to stop himself from imagining having sex with erens eyes, and failing. (NO HE IS NOT A PERVERT FK U ARIANA FOR THE COMMENTS)

LEvi sit down for a short while while waiting for his purses.

————

(eren’s P.O.V)

Levi was a hottie throught eren jaguar softly while he whipped the latte with a egg beater to make foams. ere was not a dumb. He knew levi was staring at his eyes in gay motions.

He also knew his eyes were like hot versions of dobbys, so seductive like a expensive prostate.

He knew ppl were always wanting to fool around wit him cos of these eyes. and despite being like an angry frodo, levi was hot.

Eren thought he looked like snape, albeit if snape was born a hobbit and never ever slept because he always had bad dreams.

erny peeped over his coffee machine to look at the short snape who was sitting at a table over there.

He imagined short-snape kissing him ON THE LIPS and got all erected. (guys he’s calling him short-snape cos levi hasn’t told him his name yet ok !! fk u ariana)

ALL OF A suddenly mikasa bust into the cafe like an escaped convict. ernard jaguar move the whisked milk to a pot and got out the coffee and began to pour hurriedly hoping milkase wouldn’t’ notice his happy panties.

he quickly finished the coffee and practically ran over to short-snap to give him the drink. as he passed short-frodo the latte their fingers touche and eren squeaked like a mouse who had just been murdered. levies face went the colour of a handbag that was pink.

levis put his latte down and reaching over to grape erns hand before he could run away. “hey” he said in a male voice.

"hey" said eren squeaking again like a mouse who has just been touched inappropriately by its uncle.

Elvis looked around the room awkwardly before speaking up again.

"do u wanna come to my house to see a movie tonight? we could watch wreck it ralph?" levi gulped nervously waiting for ere to respond.

eren squeaked “ok sure how about 9pm?”

leafy nodded and pulled out a card from his wallet that had his number on it. he gave it to erin who then dashed away with it in his pocket.  
he was still sporting an erection so he tried to quietly avoid mikasa who is is mum and very strict, but mikesa say “ere cum 2 me” before he could get bak to work hidden behind the counter.

ernie sighed and made way towards his mum. mum points at his bouncy man noodle and say “ERNILE i c u are erected! y would u do such a thing in this place! u hav dishonored the cafe! i am sentencing you to 1 week grounding you cannot leave the house!”

Ren groand like a sheep who has just been told it has bowel cancer and put his hands on his head in mortification. he has a date with levi at 9pm tonite? What will he DO???!


	2. The Date At 9pm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning there is swearing in this chapter

Eren ran out of the cafe like it was a whale and he was a large school of plankton that didn’t want to be eaten. There were tears trailing down his face like sheeps walking through a field of cotton. He had a date with Levi at 9pm and mum had grounded him. Life, was not a nice guy and he wouldn’t be getting a christmas gift this year, that was certain.  
As he ran home he realized that he would have to break the sad news to levi in several moments. He pulled the card out of his pocket that had levi number on it. He dialed the number and wait.   
"Hello?" said levi in a male voice.  
"Levi it eren." Say eren in a depressed voice.  
"ernie what is the deal?" said Levi, sounding like he was busy and had things to do.  
"Mum has grounded me. I can’t come to our date tonight." Said ren as one tear fall down.  
"Just come anyway ren, dont listen to mum." Said levi. "I’ll see you at 9pm at the place."  
"Oh ok." Said eren, and the problem was solved.

Ren stood at the place. He knocked the door feeling apprehension well up in his liver. Levi opened the door, he was dressed in black suit that made him look mature and really mature. Eren blushed and felt lots of loud emotions because of what Levi was wearing. He followed Levi inside and he sat on the leather couch while Levi put the dvd of wreck it ralph into the dvd player and started the movie. Levi came over then and sat beside eren,. He looked at him and said;  
"I’m really glad you came, Poop shoot." Said levi happily, he make fart and poop joke.  
"Thanks Honey." Said ren while his lips made one smile, "Of course i came, you are the ripest salmon in the pond." He said, blushing because it was true. Levi blushed at the compliment. "OK." He said and turned to watch the movie. Some time passed at that time and then there was a knock at the door.  
"I’ll get it." LEvi got up and got the door. Eren looked over, and saw a woman at the door, she was tall and pony tail.  
"Levi!!" SHje yelled, throwing all of her arms around his neck in a happy embrace.  
"Handi." Said Levi, his voice muffled. SHe pulled away and put his face in all of her hands to stare for a moment before Levi spoke again.  
"Handi, im busy what is the business?" He asked, sounding grumpy.  
Handi chuckle and then eren jump to his feet, feeling angry and betrayed. “LEVI HOW COULD U BE WITHA WOMAN!” He exlaimed like a furious tadpole, who’s favourite sandwich had just been stolen by it’s brother. “I TRUSTED YOU!” he screamed at levi, letting all of his pent up frustration out. “I LOVED YOU, AND ALL ALONG YOU’VE BEEN WITH HADNI!” levi paled.  
"No eren it’s not what it looks li-"  
"FUCK YOU! AND FUCK HADNY! SHE’S AN UGLY BITCH!" eren screamed and then pushed past the two of them, running out of the place like he was a sex offender and the place had herpies.  
Eren ran and ran, till he was lost, and then he came to a stop outside the house of his best friend, Armin. He stood outside Armin’s window, tears trailing down his face and tapped on the glass, squeezing his wet eyeballs shut in a silent prayer that his friend would be home. His prayer was answered and eren heard the sound of the window being shucked open. He opened his eyes and saw his small blond friend, struggling to lift up the window, his bloo eyes wide with concern as they took in the several tears sitting around on eren’s face like they were in his mum’s cafe except his face was the cafe, get it?  
"Eren? Are you ok?" Armin asked tentacle, looking worried.  
"I’m finee army, just move and let me inside." Enrne sounded grumpy like levi, and then he frounded because he’d just thought about levi and levi was a tractor and a cheat.  
Armin shifted away from the window and Eren clambered in, pulling it shut behind him. Armin looked at him, concern obvious on his round face.  
"What happened ernie?" He asked, reaching out to put his one hand on eren’s left shoulder. Eren sniffed.  
"LEvi cheated on me." He said, and more tears went into his face-cafe.  
Armin’s nose crinkled in confusion. “Who’s Levi?” He wounded.  
"ELVI is my boyfriend." Ern gulped. Suddnedly Armin pulled his hands away. "Oh." He said, looking at the floor and swallowing thickly.  
"I..I- you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend Eren." Armin looked hurt. Eren felt confusion swell up in his kidneys.  
"We started dating today Armin, I didn’t get the chance." Eren explained, not sure why he was explain. "But I think we’re borken up now, and I feel really depressed about it." Eren felt two more customers in his cafe.  
Armin perked up, and put his one hands back on eren’s shoulders.  
"I’ll comfort you, Eren." He said, his voice level, his eyes like the sea on a stormy night. Eren opened his mouth to ask Armin if he could have a pop tart, but suddenly he felt Armin’s mouth on his own, kissing him fervantly, like armin was a beever and eren was a tasty plank of wood.  
Eren’s mind went blank as Armin’s soft lips moved against his own, he looked absently around the room, eyes coming to a stop over a batman poster. Eren and Batman stared at each other, till Eren felt the tug of teeth on his bottom lips and freaked out, pushing ARmin away.   
"Armin, What!" He exclaimed. Armin had kissed him. His best friend had kissed him. He didn’t understand. Armin raised his hands defensively, eye’s wide.  
"Eren I - I can explain!!" He started, cheeks flushing red.  
"ARmin!" yelled eren, confusion and shock making him raise his voice.  
"WHy did you kiss me?! I don’t understand.." He trailed off, his knees feeling as weak as his mother’s cooking skills.  
"I.." Armin coughed but it sounded more like a sob. "I..I’ve always loved you Eren…I’m sorry."   
Eren stared at Armin feeling hurt and sad. “Armin…you know i’m not gay.” He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so much drama! well guys i guess ul find out what's gonna happen in the next chapter!?


	3. The Display of Dominance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning there will be some sexual content in this chapter

Eren stares at armins lips and tries not to think about the kiss. Eren imagines that he is a fish and armin is the fish bowl then blushes and looks away, ashamed of his perverted thoughts.  
Eren shifts away from armin, and jumps gracefully out of the window. BAMN he bumps into a confusted LEvi.  
"Levi!" he exclam looking like a labradoor caught sniffing his brother’s butt by his wife.  
LEvi slaps eren manfully. “Ernlie you are a slut.” He said, one black tear slipping out of his stony eyeball and slithering down his cheek.  
Eren tries to expain but is suddenly distracted by his erection. he found it very sexish when Levi displays his manful power and controll like a pulsating gorilla. Levi stare down at the pointy cloth of eren’s pants. Eren’s pants look like a family have gone camping and set up a tent for the night, roasting marshmellows over his groin. Levi raises his eyebrows, impressed by the size. Eren stutter and fail to explain the situation.  
"You ;are a cheater." Said Levi after a moment of silence to commemorate the death of their relationship. The Silence falls like pots and pans onto a soft mattress. (OK guys this is where things are gonna heat up, so if you don’t wanna read YAOI R18 then look aywaa!!!!)  
"Please." Whimpered eren, and all of a suddenly Levi grabbed eren, throwing him through a nearby shop window, overcome with lust.  
Lying on the shop floor, covered in searing pain, eren whrithes like a dying fish, strewn amongst broken glass..Levi approach eren slowly, feet weighed down by his massive erenction. Levi clambered through the shattered window, sighing softly as he gazed down at his ex boyfriend who was staring up at him, wonder obvious in his large sexy dobby eyes (but hot not like dobby remmeber?). Levi bent down and lovingly kissed the shards of glass that had embedded themselves within Eren’s flesh. Eren sighed, pain forgotton. Levi raise his eyebrow again. “Wanna see something…SEXY.” He asked seductively voice dropping into a purr. Eren flush at the tone of voice which was often used in seduction in writing but nevr heard to him in real life. Eren nodded enthusiasticly.   
Levi knelt down, careful to avoid putting his knees in any stray peices of glass, and began to make sweeping motions with his hips, dick swaying towards the floor and banishing any glass within it’s diameter. eren sighed, amazed and afraid.


	4. The Consummation and The Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning there is sex in this chapter

After sweeping away all the shards of glass both strewn across the floor and embedded within eren’s muscular, tan, flesh, levi inserts slowly his mighty man noodle into eren’s poop shoot.  
Eren felt apprehension well up in his clavicle, he hand’t told levi yet that his male vagina (LIKE idd write ANUs! rude) is virginal. Eren makes the keening whale noises like a young whale pup abandoned by it’s herd as levi thrusts very hard and eren feels sore. “Relax eren.” says levi, reassuringly and suddenly al the pain and apprehension is gone, every thing is going well and eren feels like a good stir fry being devoured by a vietnamese family of 7.   
All of a suddenly they realize that the shop is occupied and people are staring at them shockingly as they make heavy sex on the store floor. a young man point and say to them “Y you make the indecency in this shop…even though it kinda hot.” The other shopkeepers and customers nod in agreement, thinking the display that eren and levi were making was very sexy. Levi stops like a jackhammer unplugged accidentally from its outlet, but he is still erectile.   
Eren feels exposed and vunerable. he untangles himself from levi and hides behind a nearby deep fryer. (cuz it’s a fish and chip shop)  
Then!!!! Armin busts in to the store, hair flying wildly as he makes a rush like a speedy hawk looking for a fresh rabbit to put into it’s christmas stew.   
"EREn!! I HEArd a crashing! ARE you ok??!" His young voice sounded winded.  
levi and eren gasp at the same time as they are caught being very naughty. levi feels like a naughty puppy who’s been caught having sex with someone by his grandmother.  
armin shake his hed because he doesn’t improve of incest.  
Levi noticed armin shaking his head and grew anger like a ripe tumor on his forhead.  
"Y you make a frown at me you small intruder?!" Levi growled at armin, lowing his gaze till his eyes were slits of thinly cut beef. Armin opens his mouth to answer, but hten he notices that levi is naked and eren is hiding behind a deep frier, also nude. He makes the sexual connections and gasps.  
"What the hell were you two doing sex in here?!" He shocked, staring at eren and Levi.  
"It’s none of ur business", says levi and manfully punches armin in the face because he is his rival now. He then punches all the other people for good measure, because three of them have erectiles.  
Armin flops to the floor like a spilled bucket of leftover meals. There is a gasp in the store and then eren springs into action, wanting to defend his best friend despite all the horrible things he has done. (the kiss). HE offer a gentile hand to armin.  
"LEVI STOP THIS MADNESS!!" EREN screamed loudly, pulling armin slowly to his feet.   
"No eren." Levi whispered madly. "You started this, you finish this." He said and eren stared at him, unsure of what he was trying to mean. armin shrunk and shuffled to stand behind eren, frightened of Levi’s manly power.  
"What are you saying?" asked eren, genuinely confused.  
"The kiss." Said Levi, glaring through eren to armin, who squeeked, shocked that Levi had razor vision. ERen gulped, not wanting to remmber the betrayal and revelation that ARmin had made earlier that day. ERen had been shocked to discover that Armin harbored gayness within himself.  
" he is disgusting fag," say levi who did not like homosexual because his parents were conservitave christian and did not want hanky panky pinky ponky.  
The onlookers who levi had just punched, recoiled away from armin, forgiving levi his earlier violence in the wake of a bigger threat.  
"No! It’s not like that!" says armin, desperate to explain himself. everyone looks at armin like a floppy worm in the jelly.   
Eren looks disappointed. “armin, this is very awkward for me. Ur gay and u have a gay crush on me. I don’t feel comfortable being friends with uright now. BEcause ur disgusting.” A customer enters the cafe on armins face, and armin sprints out of hte shop, fleeing the scene like he is a tender looking parrot, and levi and eren are hungry preditors, looking to feast on his bird-flesh.  
Eren closes his eyes, and his brain whispers to him that he should protect his friend even though he is gay. The christmas spirit tells eren not to be a silly biggot and eren nods understatedly. Levi just scowls. ERen decides to go after armin, to apologise about having sex in public. (he knew that armin would find that kind of thing very rude because armin is prudish and sour like a lemon not yet ripe for the plucking.) he wandered out of the fish and chip shop which he and levi had borken into, and fetching some leaves on the way, fashioned a pair of breeches and a tunic from the nature around him, donning the freshly made clothes to cover his nakedness.  
He strode confidently towards armin’s house, feeling confidence in his newly lost virginity. Bust when he reached armin’s house, he saw nobody there. ERen felt confusion well up in his prostate, but shrugged his shoulder’s deciding it was nothing and to head home.  
Eren opened the front door of the house he lived in with his mum, mikasa, who isvery strict. He opended the door and ARMIN WAS INSIDE TLAKING TO MIKASA. the door closed loudly behind eren, and they both turned to look at him. Eren gulped.  
"Eren, we need to talk." Said mum. Eren shivvered in fear, and looked at armin, hoping for support from him. Armin stared at eren madly, an evil grin spreading on the lips that had been so soft when they’d kissed eren’s.  
Eren gulped, knowing in that instant, that Armin had betrayed him.


	5. The Consumption of Alcohol and how it changes everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a disastrous turn when turbulent feelings and teenage hormones overcome regard for who they might hurt...

Chapter 5

Mikasa glared at eren like she’d just caught him watching beastiality on the internet.  
“Eren.” She said, looking down at him over half-moon spectacles, “What does Armin mean u had sexicle with a man named levi in the local fish and chip shop!!1!”  
Eren could only stutter, and stare down at the leaf shoes he had fashioned earlier.  
“I am disappoint.” Grunted mikasa, looking like a dolphin that had just caught it’s baby masturbating with a crab. “Seeing as you refused to adhere to my grounding earlier, you have given me no choice.” . It hurt mikasa’s heart to be so touch on such a flaccid, weak man child, but she knew it would be for eren’s own good .Eren stiffened in anticipation. (NMO not ina DAT way!! ) “I am going to hav to lock u in ur room til u understand how to good.” Eren was too busy having a party for tear drops in his eyes that he didn’t notice the evil vile grin adorning Armin’s plump face.  
“Armin will be ur guard, he will keep you in line, make sure u behave til I decide the tim is right.” Eren shocked loudly, “But Armin is GAY!” Mikasa slapped him across th face with enough force to close a difficult fridge door. “How dARE u insult your friend with so dirty a slur” Mikasa announced quietly “I command you to share a bedroom until you realise your wrongs” Eren could not see Armins face through his own thick brown cloud of self righteousness, but he could feel him erected.

Eren grumpally dumped his satchel of belongings on the single bed he didn’t want to share a room with a gay. Armin looked up at eren, feeling eren’s gaze touching him loudly.  
“hey eren why u stare at me?” armin wounded  
“I hate you armin.” Glared eren. “You are a young loser who knows nothing of sex. I bet your pubic hair isn’t even properly formatted!!!” Armin turned red with anger.  
“I know all about sex thankz! I have seen 2 pornography!” Yielded Armin loudly. Eren gasped. He had not seen 1, and that ment Armin was manlier than him. He suddedly did not know wat to do with his feelings. He glanced shyly up at Armin, feeling inexperienced. Armin put his hands on his hips and grunted loudly, affirming his alpha gorilla status. ERen blushed and looked away, to the single bed they would be sharing. He was feeling feelings and it was unnerving. When Eren had learnt that Armin was gay earlier today, he had thought yuck, but now, seeing Armin being so cool, and knowing that he’d watched pornography (guys eren and armin are 18 so pornography is a big deal and very sexual) he wasn’t sure he was disgusted by amin anymore. He felt like he was a noodle in a pot and armin was the water he wanted to soak inside of him. he blushed suddenly shocked and ashamed once again by his hugely sexual thoughts. Suddenly his mind flashed and he remembered how armin had kissed him with his soft plump lips. Eren’s face enflamed rudely. Where had that come from? He shook his head, trying to ward off the memories. “U need 2 relax” said Arim suspiciously. “Nd how wud you suggest I do that?” Said Eren in a confusted voice. Armin tore open his knitted woollen vest to reveal a 4 pack of beer. “Let’s get this party started…” He wiggled.

(OMG wot will happen under the influense of ALCOHOLsss????1??)

Menwhile in a dingy smelly bar in the masculine end of town, Levi stood puffing a fat cigar and playing snooker with his own impressive length. He kissed a nearby prostitute just because he could, and then impassively watched her get murdered in a nearby dark corner. He had other things on his mind. Other things that included his cheatful ex boyfriend Eren, who he loved, but love was for faggots and weak girly men, so levi didn’t actually love eren, he simply craved to dominate him.  
Levi wandered over to the bar, hips swaying with a more recently purchased swagger from a pimp he’d met three minutes ago. “whiskey.’ He growld at the bar tender, who reached under the counter, retrieving a single shot glass, as he went to place it on the bar top, Levi stopped him by shoving a hunting knife through his hand. “The bottle.” He said, and the bar tender nodded, pulling out the knife and turning behind him to fetch the finest whiskey in that place. He smiled at levi, impressed with his manfullness as he handed him the bottle. “On the house.” Said the bartender, wrapping a washrag around his blood soaked hand, before turning away to tend to the other bar patrons.  
Levi growled as he sipped the whiskey. ERen had run off suddenly to talk to his tiny blond friend, but that was not the biggest problem. He was angry because eren had not texted him in an hour and a half. Levi, being a typical man man, required utter dominace over the people around him. And eren had not even texted him to tell him what he’d eaten for dinner.  
after the third sip, Levi could already feel the alcohol’s effects. He knew he should really slow down, the last thing he needed was a hangover, especially being the big business tycoon slash mafia boss that he was, owning several corporations and moneys and questionably-moraled gangs.., he had a reputation to uphold. By the fifth sip, he was too overcome by the strong liquor to care anymore. He punched a nearby bearded man, who promptly whipped a knife out of his beard and began circling him angrily as the other patrons turned their attention to Levi and away from the pre-requisite strippers, craving blood like snails on the roadside. Levi knew he could kill this man in an instant, but needing a distraction, he pulled out his spoon. The fight was on.  
Levi darted left and right, dodging blows as the bar partrons came at them from all angles. Two thugs collided with each other, after he jumpd out of the way of their attacks, and impaled each other with the machetes they were wielding. The bearded man with the knife snarled and lept into the air, doing an elegant split leap over the snooker table, brandishing his knife at levi as he landed directly infront of him. Levi punchd the knife and it clattered to the floor, it fell down like a duck who had also fallen down. Levi then attacked the bearded man with his spoon, making a dangerous scooping motion with his arm. The man trid to back away, from him to dodge the deadly implement but the snooker table got in the way. The snooker table grinned menacingly at Levi, encouraging the violence of his attacks. The spoon made contact with the man’s chest, and levi pressed upwards, scooping out the man’s breast muscle, and bringing it to his mouth, pink tongue darting out from behind rosy lips to taste the pound of man-flesh he had extracted. The man died and he walked away nonchalantly not looking back even as the snooker table exploded from excitement in bursts of flames, destroying the bar as he walked slowly away from it, this time utelising the swagger he’d bought off Tom Cruise, from mission impossible three. Levi smirked, and put on his raybands. The violence of the bar fight had given him an excellent erection. He had decided to pay Eren a visit to “punish” him for not contacting him about his every move. Levi glanced at his watch. Eren hadn’t texted him back in two hours. That meant two hours of fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah will levi try to sex eren again? even after the disaster of last time??


	6. The Worst Part About Waking Up Is Realising Your Mistakes

Armin woke to find that he was alone. He squinted squinterly as the light screamed int2 his eyeballs like a blizzard that was not cold but full of pain.  
He struggled to remember the events of last night, his memory hazy after the two hole beers he had drunk. But he did know that he and eren had made panky on the single mattress last night. Sexy panky.  
he was sure of it. Armin felt shame well up in his prostate, he had not intended to penetrate his best frind, eren. that was gay. But he had been overcome by a forward thrusting motion in his pelvatory area and dun it anyway. Anyway, eren had seemd to enjoy it, so armin was a little surprised to c him gone this morning. He sad that their friendship was ruined by sex. Armin allowed one cry to trail down his face, like a lone slug on it’s way to a doctor’s appointment, but then his hangover was too strong and he allowed sleep to overcum him once more.

eren was hiding in the sewers crying. He had had gay sex with armin last night. A stray crocodile wandered up to him 2 ask if he had any chicken wings, but eren punched it in the face, in a fit of angry man problems. ERen sigh and realize he was not a man anymore bcoz he had let himself b touché by a gay. He still felt the gay on him, like slimy marbles, rolling over his skin in circular motions. If it weren’t for him being dprzzed he wud usually not b so rude to a hungry croc. Ren look down to the unconscious body of the reptile and in sympathy ret ched in2 his pockets, retrieving a pottle of hundreds and thousands and then sprinkling the coloured beadles over the reptilian’s booty. Just then his cell phone rang. It was levi.  
“baby.” Eren whispered in2 the receptacle, not wanting to disturb the crocodile’s afternoon nap.  
“REN.” Grumped levi, sounding gruff and manly. “we need 2 talk. Last night I stood outside ur bedroom window throuwing pebbles at the glass trying 2 get ur attention while u had gay sex with ur m8. I found that pretty rude, rern.”  
“OH god levi im so sorry about that-“ eren started  
“Dnt try 2 explan, u were drunk that was drunk mistak, I saw u drinking that beer.”  
“I had 2 beers actually.” Admitted eren, ashamedly.  
“Wow Eren u alcoholic. I think you have a problem.” Burbled Levin. “Now I must leave. I’m late 4 my flight to Siberia”  
“Wat? But I luv you!!” Cried Erin softly like a fishtank in a waiting room.  
“u may luv me but u hav betrayd me 1 2 many times!” Crinkled Levi disordadly, his motions were rumpled like he was packing on the other end of the line. “this is farewell.” He borked, and the line went dead. Eren whimpered and ran out of the sewers, looking for a fight to help him escape his feelings. A homeless man bent over on the street corner adjasent to him, fetching a sandwhich. Eren growled and ran at him, pulling his penis out of his pocket and slapping the homeless man in the face with it. The homeless man was extremely offended. He walked away heartbroken.

Armin stared in shock in the mirror at his cute reflection. (guys armin’s not vain, he’s just ben told a lot that he luks good so he is just self aware ok). A pregnancy test was held in a loose grasp by hs tiny man hands, a positive sine in clear red shining on its face. Armin closed his eyes as regrets once again threteneed to pour out of them as ifhe required plumbing work. He shouldn’t hav penetrated his friend. Because of their hasty decisinos and lack of protection, they were going to have a child.  
Armin was pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet u didnt' expect dat!!1


	7. The Gift of Life and the Horror of Death

The birth was alarming. Armin squeen the baby out like it was pus and he was squeezing a particuly ripe pimple. Eren mupped Armins forrhed with a wet cloth and tried not to think of the terrible biological implications. A nearby preist swoon and feint like he seen a really unusual thing he cannot explain wit his thousand year old science. Armin cradles his precious proof of Erens love in his arms, tears plowing down his face and dropping fully grown onto the floor where they slithered away to harass nearby hostpital aides. His penis (EWW but we gotta B reaulistic guyzzz!!) is broken from da birth but he does not notice pain wen he looks down at da fruit of a beautiful forbidden tryst. "He is sooo preshuss!!" Wail Armin impotantly. Eren softens visibly, like a slug in the microwave. "Yeah.. Letz call him Todd."  
Meanwhile in siberia.  
residant bad boy Levi sat on his motorbike gently puffing a drug ciggarete (guys look aywy if u dnt wanna c r18 drug use), his manly pose eccentuated by the shinning leather and sunglasses he were waring. He sigh and show his soft side as he pull out a diary and write poetry on it. Levi wasnt a chube, there were more than 4 sides 2 him. he reviow his work.

oh muffin  
y u no shine in th e east  
y u no hump the humble cat on the dirty side walk  
I wake alone  
my cat will not partake of the unusual fruit that is my genitals  
i cry  
the muffin forgets his seatbelt and crashes car,  
his wife and children weeping as they bury his crumbs in a nearby kindergarten playground  
oh muffin  
you fool.

Levi gulped back tears after he finished reading dat beautiful story. If ppl ask him he'd never admit that it was inspried by an x boyfriend. someone he used 2 luv long ago. Hed say he lerned in prison, cuz evrything not lerned in prison is pussy shit and u die, but rely it woz big secret, like Batman and Robins relationship.

Eren whipped the egg yoke with a rusty spoon, making scrambled pancake and ignoring the feverish cries of his offspring, Todd, who was currently dying of asphyxiation. He ride camel into bridge, he not care. (haha)  
the phone rings and eren anser it.  
"poop chute." say a gruff and manly voice that makes erens adamns apple throb menacingly at the rival to his territory. He felt the lustful pulse of revival in his groin area.  
Eren gasped and clutched the phone closer to his cheek, one tear running down his face like an airoplane flying down a highway.  
"Levi." He shocked, chewing his fingers tenderloin.  
it has been maybe one year. Levi and eren suffered from bad breakup because eren fuuked his m8, Armin, who he later platonically married and had a child with.  
Levi wudnt admit tit but he thougt that sukd.  
"I mist u." muttered the voice.  
"oh." mumbled Eren, wondering cheatfully when armin would get home from work.  
"im bak in this country." confirmd levi when eren didnt respond. ren dindnt respond again because he was suddenly wondering why Todd looked so dead.  
"excus me i hav business to do." ssaid ren distragtedly becus he hear the door sound like it open.  
Armin entered the house.  
"ren i bak."? he say putting his business breifcase down and looseineng his business tye.  
"welcom home hony." say eren like faithful wife kissing armin on the cheek tenderloin.  
Armin sullenly get gay gleam in his eyes.  
"eren." he breathed sexishly and ren gasp, knowing waht was the mind.  
Armin tears open his clothes, displaying his naked bodi to the kitchen then, who blushed because it was a virgin pervert. He galred at Eren's clothes and they tore themselves off of him, retreating in fear of the power of armin's powerful gaze.  
THey fall 2 the tarmak floor, in a tango of limps, armin pulls erens close to him, toucheing poop choots tenderli together. eren gospel in pleasure.  
"wow wow wow." he say excruciatingly.  
Overpowered by orange desire, Armin flip eren over like he is a small coin perhaps 10 cents, and slither his boyish eel insid him.  
"wow!" Screamed Eren in utter amazement beacuse this didn't happen every day. (sarcasm haha! they hav gud sexlif)  
ERen came on his own face suddenly nd armin lauf at the fastness.  
"lol." sed armin, and eren felt ashamed.  
"Levi wud never laf at me if i did this!" yelled ERen, and armin shocked hurtedly, looking at eren like he was a particuly malformed animal.  
"y u mention levi durign our coitus? he is nt part ovv this luv! we ar married! 4get him1" He screm like a goose who is waiting for his shipment of meth feeling very fed up, (and not bcos of the pancakes eren ws making he hasnt tried them yet)  
Eren tried not to cry but then a slithering noise disrupted their unusual argument. Eren turned his head 2 c Levi sliding slimily out of the phone recepticle, like the phone was a cow and levi was a cow patt.pphone protested indignant at this development  
"Don't be rude 2 eren." Levi scolded armin like a vegetarianism. Armin and eren widened like windows accidentally left open. Levi lukd at eren knowingly and saith,  
"Told u I was back" One tear started playing hopscotch on armins gace.  
"I knew u wud come back," hoovered armin buntily  
"but I cannot let u hav him. Eren nd I is luv, we hav family of Todd."  
"Todd is ded." Mangeled levi and eren gasped.  
"Don't b rude 2 Todd!" Eren foreplayed, scowling at levi. then levi lose it nd he grabbed the cold limp form that was Todd and threw him out the window like an unwanted chicken nugget.  
"Y u do this!!" Yelled eren,  
"ERen! I will forgive your momentary gay lapse with Armin, if u come with me right now! I still luv u, we can build a life 2gether!" scremd Levi like desperate angry man.  
"Gay Lapse?! We've been married for a year!" YElled eren bak,  
"I donot care!1 ERen, remember the moment we met?" He asked, breathing heavily as he took steps closer to eren, sincerity in his small beady eyes.  
"When I first saw u standing bhind that condor, I knew." He said, voice calm like liquid nitrogen.  
"Knew what!" Spat Armin, who had given up trying to see where baby Todd had landed outside.  
"Knew I luvd him!" Exclamd Levi hotfully. ERen gasped, but armin lowered his gaze spitfully.  
"U luv eren? U luv him? WEll i hav news for u LEvi u fucking wanker!" He hooved, "ERen is a fucking man, and so are you. You're a fucking homo levi. A. Fucking. Homo." He advanced Levi like preditor, stepping nibbly over his discarded clothes. LEvi shocked.  
"U TAke that back!" HE screamed. "Ur a fucking liar!" Eren wud have scremd the same thing as Levi, if he hadn't been gay for a year. Now he just lookd at Levi sadly.  
"Levi it tim u exept da truht, u faggot." Eren scolded Levi like he was a hot potato trying to escape the boiling pot. Levi only shook his head disbeleivingly.  
"No i fuk girls all da tim evry day. I kiss boobie and titty and touch female vagina pussies." He muttered, his beady eyes shrivveling in fear. Ereh shok his haed one mor tim.  
"Levi." He breathed. "Then wat about me?" He asked. LEvi stared at him blankly, trying to think.  
"Wat aboyt u?" Levi asked, and ARmin rolld his eyes, impatient at the slow development.  
"What abut when we fukd in da fish and chip shop?" Eren asked. "I have penis." Eren told him, gesturing towards his dik which had been erectile since Todd had died.  
"t-that was... I was-" Levi stutter. "Ur the exeption!" he exlam. "Ur da onli man i attrack to!" ren sighed and decided 2 just giv up.  
tehn there was an evil giggle and they spun around 2 c armin holding explosives. Levi tgen grabbed eren and dived with him under the kitchen table as the bomb went off. Ern was fatally wounded and has 2 go to hosipitle with severe castration. His prostrate was never the same agen. Their son was dead. And with no reason 2 b with armin levi hopped they wud b togetha again. ------ WHAT wILI HAPPNE NEXT>:???


	8. The Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tho this is gudbye this it not gudbye

Levi sat in Eren's hospital room, smoking bad drug cicgarette (guys i kno drugs are really bad but Levi is goning thruogh a really stressful time)  
A nurse came 2 tell him to putit out but he punch her in the face with man anger and threw her out of the window, where she like Todd, fell to her death.  
Because of this he did not see EREn wake up and look at him lovingly, like that first pancake that is always burnt but u luv it anyway. (guys he loks at him like dat cs frm the explosion LEvi is difigured and his skin looks like a textured roll of toilet paper)  
"Where is armin?" Says ere weakly.  
"he has gone to jail for being terrorist." told Levi, feeling satisfied with the development  
"oh im glad." said eren, hu never luved him anyway.  
"ere i ned to talk 2 u." said levi, his tone turning serious.  
"i've been doing some lengthly staring at myself in the mirror, and i noticed that my face is dussgusting from the explosion, i've become 2 disfigured for love." Eren shocked.  
"im sorry eren but this is gudbye." said levi, and deep down he was relevied with the breakup, because it meant he could go bak 2 pretending he wasnt gay.  
"But i don't care about that!" isceesremd eren, which was very big of him considering that LEvi's face lookd like dobby's genitals. (and dis tim not in a sexcy way!)  
Levi just shook his head, opining his leather backpack and pulling a pair of blak sunglasses and a hooker out of it. He put on the sunglasses, and manfully wrapped his arm around da hooker, still shaking his head at eren as he left da hospital room.  
one weep traveled down erens face. He now understood y armin had explosived the room.  
his heart was borken.  
He moved bak in2 liv with his mum mikasa, who is very strict. And she grounded him for three months for marrying a terrorist. one night the ghost of Todd visitd him in his sleep.  
todd told Eren that he was a peice of shit and then left, leaving eren feeling rly depressed.  
SULLENLY! there was knak at the door!!1 Eren opened it and Levi was standing there, and eren shocked loudly because it had been maybe one more year.  
"eren." moaned levi and threw eren down the stairwell sexishly. eren was happi as he lay crinkled and broken at the bottom of the stairs because it was like nothing had changed.  
levi climbed onto p of eren, a scowl on his face/  
"eren, im too ugly." he sed. "none of thte women want me anymore, and my penis is getting unrestfull." he said, adn eren felt exitement well up in his urethra.  
Levi flopped his sightly male burrito out of his trousers and slapped eren in the face with it. Eren's nose fell off from the impact and he moaned hapily as pain mixd with pleasure.  
Eren's cloths had already began tugging themselves off of him, making fearful squeeking noises as they skkittered along the flor away from the pair, nt wantting levi to tear them apart with his manful violence.  
"ohoh oh!" scremd eren as levi slammed into him wihtout guidence, breaking one of his legs in the process. the mangled limb dangled helplessly as levi set off at a merciless pace.  
da sex was so hot that when mikaas saw them she peed herself and the force f their happy coitus made gayness legalised throughout teh world, except 4 armin hu was still disgusting fagoot.

Eren and levi walkd by the cafe that they had first met at, hand in hand. ere's mum had sold it now, and it was now a laundrymat. They watched the clothes spinning in the drier in the windoe and smile, thining of all the trials and turmoil that they went thru for their luv;.

The end!  
hop u guys engoy


End file.
